Diffusing the Battle

February 1st. My sugar fast is over. Well, not fast exactly, I just decided not to eat sugar for the month of January. And you know what, it really wasn't a big deal.

By some time in December I started to feel like I could easily go through the day eating nothing but sugar. Sugar sugar sugar. It didn't feel good. It felt like an addiction. So I thought to myself, why don't I just choose not to eat any sugar for a month and see what happens.

1. I didn't die.

I'm gonna be honest, the experiment was a whole lot easier than I expected. By deciding Not to eat sugar I had diffused The Battle. You know, the battle that happens when you look at that cookie and think, should I or shouldn't I.... I had begun to lose that battle. Consistently. Or, in other words, like Every. Single. Time. With my sugar "resolution" the decision was made, the battle was neither won nor lost, it was never even fought. It was refreshing and pretty darn easy.

Sure, when the man walking down the aisle of Restaurant Depot eating an enormous chocolate chip cookie passed me by I wanted one too. Bad. But even then, only for a second. The truth is, of all the sugary goodies in the world, the only one that brought me to my knees was breakfast cereal. Even so, I kind of wonder if I wasn't just craving milk.

I thought that by not eating sugar I would become more thoughtful about what I was eating - in actuality - it got to be a pain. When all I really wanted was a bowl of cereal or a Fiber 1 bar I had to settle for something else. The truth is, I like the convenience of cereal or a bar or a yogurt. Shoot me.

Did I lose weight? Well, I definitely did not gain any, but I didn't really lose either. However, I did hope to break a couple bad habits. 1. I hoped to stop being a loser and realize that saying no to that cookie is most definitely not gonna kill me. 2. I needed to realize that I didn't have to be my children's garbage can. I could just say, (and this is a big deal,) throw it away, when they come to me with a half eaten cupcake or a licked cookie or a dripping ice cream. Throw it away. Anywhere other than my stomach is fine.

The Banana Tree

I was emailing with a friend who is going through a sad divorce. Her husband recently filed and the time has come for her to prepare to leave the home they have lived in together for over 30 years. She wrote me that she has already started mourning the blueberry plants she planted last year. She will not get to see them grow.

In light of a 30+ yr marriage crumbling to the ground, a few blueberry plants wouldn't seem to matter much. But we're women. Those things matter.

I planted and nurtured a banana tree in my garden at my home in India. I rejoiced at every single leaf that sprouted and unfurled. It was glorious.

But I never saw it bear fruit.

A year or so after I left India I heard it produced bananas.

I never saw those little beauties. I never tasted those bananas. It will never bloom again.

I miss you tree.

Cultivating Thankfulness

Walking from the car to my house and up three flights of stairs to my kitchen with my arms full of grocery bags.

Carrying a full laundry basket from the attic to the basement and then back up again.

Bickering children on repeat.

A dirty bathroom.

A cold living room.

Strep throat.

I've learned to be thankful even in these things. As I hurry to the house with my fingers growing numb from the bags full of milk and canned foods and heavy meats, I thank God that I can walk. I thank Him that the back pain that I occasionally suffer from is gone. I thank Him for strong legs and arms to do the work. When the kids are on my last nerve, I thank God that I have them at all. When the housework seems overwhelming and I couldn't want to clean it any less than I do, I thank God for a home. And a roof over our head. And a warm bed to sleep in. When I am sick, I recall the blessing of health.

I say it out loud. I say it in my head. I thank Him.

Because it could be so much worse.